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Breaking News 8-2-2002
Yo ass better call Somebody! (like a coroner)
The Road Dogg Jesse James, a founding member of the pioneer tag-team the New Age Outlaws, was found dead of a possible drug overdose in his Hollywood home, the coroner's office said today. He was 32.

Road Dogg, whose real name was Brian James, was found dead on the couch by his partner Lance when he returned home last night, said Leon Harvey, operations chief for the coroner's office. Paramedics were called and he was declared dead.

"The investigator noted drug paraphernalia, including a single syringe on the kitchen counter, and we are handing it as a possible accidental overdose," Harvey said.

An autopsy was planned later today.

The death comes 11 weeks after an attempted suicide James asserts as being a result of the formation of the tag-team of Billy and Chuck.

Oh you didn’t know?! He’s dead.

UWA Present's Ahmed Johnson

Alright so on Saturday April 13, UWA held it's second card of the 2002 season. The event, affectionately named "Ahmed Johnson" went off with a bang. I suppose you want to know just what happened... Well tough shit, here's just a brief rundown of the matches.

El Ninja de Wonders defeated El Nino de AfroSheen in a "stunning" display of lucha-libre prowess.

Sammy Donuts (or Doughnuts, don't ask me) beat the pseudo-fan favorite in Todd Bradley "Hawaiian Paddler".

In an unexpected elimination Three-Way Dance for the Extreme Title, Acidbath pinned Flea Marshal only to then be pinned by Scotch Whiskey who managed to "leave" the UWA House Arena with his belt.

A couple of jobbers we're scheduled to fight Barrel and his friend Bill, we drew straws and those jobbers turned out to be Jesus H. Christ and Blue Oyster Barry (who as far as I've been told is NOT gay, and I'd be inclined to agree). Basically Barrel and Bill danced a few jigs and took a few bumps from the jobbers when some un-godly music played over the "loud"speakers and from a nearby tree dropped Dr. Meathook who basically came in and fucked everyone up. Referee Shooter McGovern was forced to call it a No Contest due to everybody dying. (No affiliation with Bloodcade: Everybody Dies)

In the evenings main event Dr. Detroit showed up to fight McSpic. They both bitched on the mic for a bit, Detroit speaking of the 'glory' (ha) days of the UWA, yada yada yada. And then believe it or not they wrestled, It was crazy shit. I laughed anyways. Throughout the course of the match Smutpuppy ran in to the aid of McSpic and Vile ran in to the detriment of Detroit. There was blood, tables and learning logs a plenty. Finally Detroit nailed McSpic with a D-City Driver and pinned him for the 4.

In the aftermath our own Brad "Needledick" Jameson ran out to wrap up the card and said some shit which provolked Smutpuppy to hit him with his signature Shocker. Then of course the most recent ref took over, signed off and danced off into the back. Amen.

Would you like to learn more?..... too bad. You fuck. Why don't you go ask Big Hoyt. Nah actually don't do that he sucks, and can't even wipe his ass.

UWA Jobber w/ RapMaster Reese took on the debuting Barrel. Only to lose miserably.

El Nino de AfroSheen, a member of the UWA's Luchadore Division took on Gordon Baldo.. only to lose miserably, but word has it the stunning, pseudo-hispanic antics of the challenger had the crowd in a frenzy.

Scotch Whiskey took on the Machine for the Extreme Title.. Vile made his presence felt surprisingly, as well as Dr. Detroit.. Scotch Whiskey wins the title! Proving yet again that anything can happen here in the UWA.

Todd Bradley "Hawaiian Paddler" took on Joe Bowler.. After a stunning victory by Bowler, Flea Marshal interjected and took out Bradley and the UWA ref and complained about his lack of TV TIME, and his designs of taking his own TV TIME if he wasn't given the TV TIME of others including Vile, Dr. Detroit, Acidbath, Novacaine amongst others who were getting ample TV TIME.

The night ended with a mainstay in UWA, The Loyal bumble.. Participants included in the match were:

The Mascara Ninja
Barrel
Blue Oyster Barry
Grammar School Teacher John Koziol
Heavy Metal Guy
Rod Logan
Drunk Dougie
Todd Bradley "Hawaiian Paddler"
Soccer Hooligan
Shooter McGovern
Flea Marshal
Barrel #2 
Scotch Whiskey,
Vile
Acidbath
Dr. Detroit
The Machine
Hulk Hogre

Anyhow, a fun night down at the 4th installment of the UWA arena.. As many of you know it was Vile's final UWA as he is scheduled to have surgery tomorrow ending a great 5 year run with the company.. You will be missed you Canadian bastard! Check back soon and the first matches will be announced for UWA's Rebirth show being held this spring..